Reading, The Bus, Women's Issues

When the Veil Dosen’t Work

Trip Down South

One day my mother had an idea, she wanted to drive us to Newport News, VA by herself without my father.  We had never taken a trip that far without him, sure we had crossed the border to New York (Port Chester and White Plains) a thousand times but never multiple states away.  We were very excited but not sure she/we could do it, so I kept track of the exit signs and miles to the next state and I think my brother was simply a bratty passenger.  There was very different about this more than just my dad was not driving; and I don’t know and still don’t know what prompted her to make such a decision.   We arrived safe and sound (where did that phrase come from?) my grandparents were so happy to see us, and I was eager to go and hang out with my cousins as I always did.  I had the 15-year-old itch (wanting to be older but unable to do anything about it too young for 16-year-old things like driving and to old for hanging out with 7-year-old bratty brothers) – hanging with my older cousins seemed like a great alternative considering I had no other siblings or cousins my age, so the idea of going to out with my cousins sounded like a fabulous idea.

Cutie and Baby Blue Camaro

Any who, one evening I was out with my cousins and we went to the local bar.  The excitement of being in the bar and pretending to be all grown up was overwhelmingly sweet and sufficient.  I was not sure what to do so I acted as they did (the beginning of my precise chameleon abilities).  After the bar-scene ended we were in the parking lot  making plans to do other things.   There he was that cute guy that was trying to buy me a drink in the bar had started a conversation with me and I found myself engaged and feeling a lot like Jan (from the Brady Bunch) all grown up but not really.  Besides being cute/handsome he had a baby blue Camaro just like the one I dreamed I would have when I “grew up”.  There was a young lady in our neighborhood that was a few years older she had a good job and a baby blue Camaro.  My best friend and I vowed we would get a car just like hers when we grew up and even work with the same organization.  Meanwhile back at the bar, my cousins have decided to go to house party can and that cute guy after hearing my story asked me if I wanted to drive! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  Can you imagine the excitement I felt at 15 years of age (with a learner’s permit) driving my dream car, hanging out with my family, meeting this guy and going to another party after I have just left a bar!!! This scenario would never have happened back at home and I was locked and loaded.

Horror!!!

We’re off and driving down a very long street and somewhere along the way I get separated from the train of cars that were traveling to the party.  Me and “Cutie” arrive at an apartment complex, I look around but I don’t see any familiar cars, family members and I don’t hear any music – considering we going to another party it was Summer and very quiet after 2 am.  We walk into a house and there’s some random guy watching television in the dark.  “Cutie” walks me upstairs and wants to make out – remember those days.  However, the making out begins to go way beyond what I’ve had become accustomed to so I begin to say stop! no! don’t! I’m fighting with is his hands and trying to move away,  in a minute, I can’t control his movements – he’s not listening and there, right there, the most unbelievable thing happens…

I can hear all my mother words warning me about playing around with little boys.  How I needed to act like a lady, get treated with respect, don’t run around kissing guys and sitting on toilets because that would lead to pregnancy!  A young man should want to take you out on Saturday and Sunday if no-show on Sunday – it’s a problem – the RULES…My honor, the definition of who I was, my dreams and hopes in a flash had been snatched from me by some random cute guy I met at the bar driving a baby blue Camaro!  Damn what do I do, I don’t know where I am, I don’t know how to get back to grandma’s house, I don’t know where my family is, cell phones were only for the extremely rich and famous!!!

The Veil The Veil

When he realizes what I was, yes, I was an untouched flower that he had just destroyed!  He goes into his glove compartment and shows me his car registration and then he goes into the trunk and takes out a crow bar – I’m thinking oh Lord is going to kill me right here in the parking lot – hell it’s dawn for Christ’s sake – who does that (my naïve ignorance) he gives me permission to destroy the baby blue… and/or him with the crowbar.  I hold the crow bar and I’ll be damn, I can’t make a decision which would hurt him more breaking the windows or slashing him upside his head… so out of my hands it drops, and I softly say please take me home.

I had a dream, no I had a vision that I would marry my high school sweetheart, we would have 2 children, a washer and dryer,  I knew where we would live and that he would take over his father’s business – we would live happily ever after just like #Cinderella.  I had a desire to be a real-life Cinderella yet I had picked out my Knight in Shining Armor.  One night with “Cutie” from the bar with baby blue Camaro shot that dream all to hell.  You see my #Virgin status had been revoked –

 

Do come back later to find out I tried to restore my #Virgin status and adjust my #Veil…

 

 

 

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Faith, Novel, Reading, The Bus

One Woman’s Journey to Freedom

Dreams

Dreams many of us have them during waking hours they are known as day dreaming. We dream of places we would like to be, we day dream about a better home, a spouse or perhaps what life would be like if we had more money.  Some of us dream during our sleep – they can be hot spicy dreams or dreams of “real life” experiences and then there are those of us that have dreams of a more spiritual nature.  The story you are about to read is about the latter.  Although the dream is true unlike some dreams that last during the night and they are over the moment we wake up this dream will span more than a decade and continues to evolve as I write this story.

The First Dream

As I awaken from one of the most vivid dreams I had as a child in elementary school I felt a sense of fear, a dark fear.  Our family had just moved to a project community, they are called “the projects” a housing development owned by the government.  Our apartment was located on the 6th floor in the middle building of the complex.  Moving day for a kid can be quite interesting, we don’t really do anything, except get in the way or just run around and watch – and try to stay out of the way.  Up and down the elevator I traveled all day, it was a nice warm day to move and see interesting things.  During this move I can remember 1 or 2 specific incidents.  One was I managed to somehow get away from my parents not by choice, just wandering off; I found myself in the elevator alone.  Apparently, someone (maybe my dad – I loved him so much) taught me how to push the number 6 for my floor and so I did or, so I thought.  I got off and walked straight to the first house on the right like I had done about 6 times already; yet this time I noticed there were some type of hanging twigs or dead flowers on the door, I thought to myself, I’ve never seen those before (from where we had just moved from) I entered the house and to my surprise the house was fully furnished but those people were not my parents.  The house had a strange atmosphere about it, something said to me “get out” and so I did, I didn’t say hello when that lady spoke to me, that man in the chair just looked and never said a word, but when she reach out to touch me – I flew out of that door!

From our building we could see the park across the street, which would later become the walk of horror for me on my way to school. The girls would begin to get angry with me because I had a new outfit on every Monday – that was something not heard of if the projects back in my day. They would taunt me, stick their tongue out at me when after we arrived in class and their favorite line as they passed by my desk was, “…you think you cute…” one would think that was a nice thing to say I learned the hard way that is was not a complement.   You see my dad was always trying to improve and make another dollar more than he did the day before and as a result my mother would always do for us what was not done for her as she grew up.

I also remember always losing my house key – that was tied around my neck with a one of those hair ribbons that was twisted like yarn and it would frizz up; it was irritating around my neck, so I would remove it once I left the house and subsequently I would have go to office – get the master key then walk around the corner to the local supply story to get a replacement; back then replacement keys were .50 cents.  Not sure what significance the losing of the key has to this story but it was a memory that stood out for me and I decided to place it in this introduction.

One night as I climbed into bed and fell asleep I begin to dream.  In the dream I pushed 6 for the floor I lived on and the elevator door would open; when the door opened I found myself on a floor filled with nothing but cylinder columns.  Cement Columns 3I walked off the elevator and looked around for a bit then the fear came I turned to get back on the elevator and to my horror the elevator was gone!  The dream repeated itself over and over again night after night.  This dream repeated itself so much that I found myself able to make decisions during the dream I would remember the events from the last dream, so I wouldn’t get out of the elevator, so it would not disappear on me, to my surprise I found that if I did not get out of the elevator it would still disappear.   During one of the dreams I entered in the elevator and decided not to move, and the elevator disappeared as if I had got off once again forcing me to take that walk – the only relief or freedom from the 6th floor – was waking up.

Dreams in the Bible may…

  • Warn a person not to do something (Genesis 20:3, 31:24, Matthew 27:19)
  • Convey what will happen either in the near or distant future (Genesis 37:5, 9, 40:8 – 19, 41:1 – 7, 15 – 32, Daniel 2, 7)
  • Convey a spiritual truth (Genesis 28:12)
  • Confirm a promise (Genesis 28:13 – 14)
  • To convey to an enemy their destruction (Judges 7:13 – 15)
  • Offer a gift from God (1Kings 3:5)
  • Warn a person they will receive punishment for their sins (Daniel 4)

I would encourage you to tuned for more of my dream…

My He Bless You Beyond Your Comprehension

The Bus

Dreams

Write God Will Ignite_001

 

  Genesis 41:12

And there was there with us a young man, an Hebrew, servant to the captain of the guard; and we told him, and he interpreted to us our dreams; to each man according to his dream he did interpret.

 

I was prompted to write a book years ago it was a suggestion from my then mother-in-law.  I thought to myself, #hmm what a nice interesting idea.  I had so many thoughts about what I would write, about who and when.  I attempted a hundred thousand times to put my thoughts on paper; I would write a page, walk away, I would open the document read that one page and allow some other opportunity to distract me.   I could not come up with a creative or interesting thought provoking ways to start writing that would take me, my thoughts and my readers to the end of the book.  I rejected every idea that entered into my head, I could write about my life – too messy, I could write about the good moments – unrealistic reading, I could write about the messy and dark days of my life – too many, alas I defaulted to – book writing was not for me, it was the perfect “out”.

Over the years since the idea was suggested back in 1998 I have attempted to pick up the “keyboard” (well you know who uses pen and paper to write anything anymore).  Over and over I would attempt to write and each I failed only to give way to the demands of life or simple procrastination.  It would prevent me from settling down to focus on writing, something I now believe I was called to do.  I was given suggestions by various people some face to face and some by virtual means to write this book. I remember having a phone interview and the HR manager on the other end said to me during our interview, “I want to read your book…” #hmm well we had not talked about me writing a book or anything about my life other than work related subjects.  I have frequently reminded to continue to write on this book, some reminders were so vivid and clear that I began to trust that God wanted me to write.  Each time I heard another suggestion or demand to write I would return to the place in the document where I left off writing and I would encounter the same “you can’t do this” thought, [who wants to read another story about someone’s life they don’t know, and what has made my life interesting enough for strangers to read]?  I noticed at some point the suggestions to write a book were coming so fast and from so many directions I had no other recourse but to give into the notion that I was to write a book or else!

I thought to myself where do I begin, with childhood memories – boring and confusing, I thought about my relationships – not enough substance, what about my dark years – how many more stories do we need about a black woman coming through the “struggle”.  Then the light bulb went off (if you will) I’m thinking more like I received the inspiration from you know who, I remembered a dream I had in the third grade and the story began to unravel.

Genesis 41:12

And there was there with us a young man, an Hebrew, servant to the captain of the guard; and we told him, and he interpreted to us our dreams; to each man according to his dream he did interpret.

Dreams by definition are a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep.  Please do not get this confused with fortune telling, sorcery, witchcraft, or oneiromancy for this is not.  I’m simply telling the story as it was designed for me to share with you.Of course I have had those dreams we’ve often heard about, you know the ones where you’re falling but you may or may not hit the ground, and wake up relieved and/or frightened, or the dreams of something running after you.   The Bible tells us of dreams and visions from the Book of Genesis to the Book of Revelation.  Jacob received God’s promise that Abraham’s blessing would be carried on, Joseph was shown his family would respect him, and Daniel had understanding in all dreams.  I’ve had hundreds of dreams; some I remember others I do not.  There have been times when I awoke and felt afraid and there have been some dreams I actually tried to go back to sleep and finish because they were so enjoyable.

The story of Jonah is about a man who God called to deliver a message.  Jonah was called by God to deliver a message to the Assyrian capital of Nineveh.  He wasn’t willing to make that journey so he started one of his own which lead him to the farthest point in the other direction away from God, or so he thought.  When called by God, Jonah’s selfish desires caused God to have to break Jonah.  Jonah had to learn that you can’t hide or run from God and about the mercy and grace of God; much like Jonah I have run from God on many occasion only to find He was there all the time no matter where, who or what I ran to.  Trust and believe I’ve had my share of being in the whale.  God has over the years has dealt with me in my dreams, I suspect that is because I was too busy to be still long enough for Him to get my attention – or so I thought.

When you are not busy come with me to the next Bus Stop, and find out about  #thebus, I hope you enjoy the ride.